The Light Lens: Chipmunk in a can

By T. Touris-

Our dogs, Winnie and Mars, have had what I thought was a pretty relaxed understanding with our local squirrel and chipmunk communities. Occasionally the tree-dwelling rodents would allow the big tough canines to benignly chase them up a tree in order to impress the resident Homo sapiens and demonstrate that they were serious guard dogs, on constant lookout for any nefarious nut thievery. What a farce. The reality is that Mars, after years of being given crummy, squeaky, plastic and fake fur versions of small companions, came to the realization that real mammals are much more fun.

One day, while playfully chasing a chipmunk into a gutter runoff pipe, Mars accidentally chomped the end closed.  Due to a recent rain, the poor chipmunk was unable to scurry up the downspout and was now trapped; unable to go up and unable to go out through the sealed, chomped end. Desperately, Mars attempted to free his tiny friend by ripping the runoff pipe from the downspout. Staring down at the freed pipe, he soon realized to his horror that he had also chomped the other end closed with lil’ Chippy inside!

Fortunately, my wife happened to notice Mars frantically running from one end of a loose piece of gutter pipe to the other and picking it up in his mouth. After a short investigation, she realized a small animal was residing inside the pipe, whose ends had been crimped closed by canine incisors. To Mars’ great relief, my opposable thumbed wife soon had lil’ Chippy free and ready to play another day.

Mars is now looking for investors to help bring his “Chipmunk in a Can” to market.  This revolutionary new product will allow live chipmunk companions to be shipped to lonely dogs in urban and suburban areas who are suffering from boredom and depression while their human companions go off to their boring and depressing jobs.

Mars hopes this will have a trickle-up effect. Happier dogs will lead to happier humans.