Making Lemonade

by Barbara Stahl –

A  new monthly feature! Making Lemonade!

Okay, prepare yourself to allow me a little time to feel sorry for myself!  Being widowed adds a dimension to the “getting old is not for sissies” concept.  Male or female, if one has had a supportive long-term marriage, being alone adds challenges in different ways. 

Remembering all those times you took your ailing spouse for medical tests, or sat awaiting his/her surgical outcomes flash through your mind when you need medical care.  You know you shouldn’t complain because after all you are the one still alive and he/she isn’t.  But, navigating medical visits on your own can easily bring out the “poor me” emotion!

Because I am currently having glaucoma related eye problems related to a laser procedure, having a “live-in” chauffeur would be handy.  Yes, friends offer, and that is greatly appreciated.  Also, adult children want to be helpful, but have busy lives.   And, if one is an independent/stubborn sort such as I am, another dimension to that feeling of “poor me” is an attitude of “I can do that, dad-nab it”!

Fortunately, I have a very strong and capable right eye.  It has always been the dominant one and has admirably come to the rescue while my left eye gains in sight and strength.  I recall my neighbor (who had recently had eye surgery) following a trip when he drove to town, reminding his wife that “a lot of people drive with only one eye.”   Recalling his “questionable sage” advice, I became one of those people of whom he spoke.

Recently at the hospital where I drove myself for a medical test I began thinking about all of this again.  That day I saw an elderly gentleman in a wheel chair with a hospital aide, obviously awaiting someone to come and pick him up.  He had a carnation sticking out of a bag full of what were probably personal belongings.  I was so tempted to go and talk to him, but I was about to be called in for my test.  Should I have tried to speak to him?  Was he widowed?  Who was coming to pick him up?  What was his life story?  I had passed him when I first entered to register for my test so he had been waiting there for quite some time.

When I finally began thinking things through more clearly I realized that, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”  And, as we were reminded by Dr. Ken Walker (Gifford Jones) in the April 9, 2019 issue of the Canandaigua Daily Messenger, “as one wise sage remarked, ‘There are many people suffering from worse conditions who would love to have one of your bad days!’”

Thanks for listening, and keep well.  If you still have a spouse, go say something kind to him/her.  If you don’t, I’m thinking of you and hope that helps a little.  I can see okay to drive – honest (and in our family honest is a no-nonsense, truthful declaration), so don’t worry!