The Light Lens: My personal Robot Overlord

by T. Touris –

       “Please empty my dirt bin”

        “Please clear my path”

        “My vision was blocked.

        Please press OKAY (3000)”

These are some of the recent commands I’ve received from my Neato robot vacuum.

 

What have I done to make him taunt me with that inscrutable ‘3000’? Didn’t I gently clean his sensors? Install a fresh new set of batteries? Still he refuses to suck.

After hours of trying to assuage Neato’s multiple ailments and grievances, I’m having subversive thoughts. Should I rise up and break the chains of my technology bondage?  I could disable Neato’s cliff sensor and point him towards the basement stairs. Take a sledgehammer, or better yet, a nice low-tech rock and put this sadistic pile of silicon out of my misery. Has it come to dusting off the broom and dustpan?!

The clumps of dog hair on the living room floor seem to mock me as I brood.

Alexa, please order me the new iRobot Roomba 980.