Spring’s Self imposed War

by Renee Thornton – 

Every spring I wage a war with myself that consists of a series of small battles.  Unfortunately, my husband often becomes an unwilling participant in those battles and hence a casualty of my war.

It all starts with my spring cleaning list.   This year I only had 51 items on my list!  It ranged from things as simple as washing and dusting all my knick-knacks and book shelves and culminated with cleaning the garage (Item #51).  After I was done compiling my list, I caught sight of my husband as he walked by, picked it up from the kitchen counter, read the front, flipped it over, read the back and just slowly shook his head.  I know he was counting the items requiring a bit more muscle or height which were earmarked for him.

I am not sure why I do this to us every year, maybe it’s some romantic image I have of the pioneer women who after a long and cooped up winter, hung their rugs and bedding over a clothesline and beat them silly until they were dust free.  All I know is that happy feeling when everything is washed, my tile grout cleaned, my stove hauled out and the gunk down the sides from my often-sloppy cooking removed.  When my carpets are steam cleaned and all my floors are hand washed, not to mention the cabin logs vacuumed (one of the ‘need the husband’s height’ tasks), I feel very sated.

With the list ‘almost’ done, we both took a deep breath and then saw Item #51.  My husband asked me how that ended up on the spring cleaning list to begin with.  What I wanted to say is if he kept it clean during the year it wouldn’t be, but I just bit my tongue.  Rather, I shrugged my shoulders and we hauled our tired bodies outside to start cleaning the garage.  I think my husband may have been giving me dirty looks, but I was too exhausted to care.  Hours later with Item #51 done, we were euphoric.

As soon as the last item was crossed off the spring cleaning list, I started compiling the spring ‘outside’ list.  Oh, you know, getting the lawn mowers tuned up, the canoe down from the garage rafters and washed, the boat cleaned and batteries charged, the camper de-winterized and cleaned and all that other ‘stuff’ that comes from having overly materialistic wants and needs.  Also on the ‘outside’ list is the weeding of the (too many) gardens, rototilling, planting and mulching.

This year it was 3 ½ weeks of non-ending battle fatigue, but we got it done!

Many of my friends do not understand this compulsion of mine for spring cleaning.  To be honest, I am not sure I do completely either.  I am often asked when I get done with my house, would I be willing to come over and clean theirs.  I always take a pass.  I am way too busy with the payback – kissing my husband’s ass.