Making Lemonade

2020 Pandemic Christmas

By BARB STAHL With Guest Contributor Tarzan 

Oh boy, Tarzy, writing about a Pandemic Christmas is going to be very difficult. How can I make lemonade when I feel so sad that I won’t be driving to Maryland to see my two daughters and their families, as I have for as long as I remember? I haven’t seen them in a very long time.  

OK, Barb, move over…I’ll handle this one for you. Besides, I haven’t had any fan mail recently so maybe a Christmas article could get some coming my way. (Hint, hint. ) 

You’ve told me several Christmas stories in the past before you left me for a couple of weeks. You are kind of old to keep getting a stocking each year, but you did. You told me about the grandson, that, for several years as you open your stockings together, always says, “This is the best Christmas ever!” He’ll have to say that on Zoom this year. I love being in the Zoom pictures!

I know that your oldest daughter knows how to roast a turkey and make the gravy now. And your younger daughter can artistically carve a turkey and creatively add all those colorful garnishes to beautify the platter. 

Maybe they’ll take pictures and text them to us.   

I think you should roast a turkey like you keep telling me you did many times in the “old days.”  I’d like to try a piece of that. But I’ll pass on that green Jell-O with pineapple and cream cheese in it, scalloped oysters, three-bean salad, and the baked squash with toasted marshmallows on top that you will probably make, like you tell me your mom did each Christmas. I’ll bet you can even figure out how to make gravy again.  

Oh, and you might not want me to bring this up, but you could work on the family history you keep talking about, but not doing anything about!  Reading is always an option. We’ll be OK, you and I.  

I can pose for another darling photo like the one we put in this article.  We can watch more 60s re-runs of “Laugh In”  —  I’ll hide under the bed during that crazy “Sock It To Me” part. You can work on that hard, round jigsaw puzzle with the two fancy peacocks. If you only place two pieces a day in it like you have been recently, it will take you nearly a year to finish that. You should let me help!

I think Alexa will be happy that you stayed home with me for the holidays. She didn’t know how to respond to my loud “Meows” while you were away.  We can ask her for Christmas stories, songs, and jokes. I’ll bet she will like that and maybe she will stop asking if you want to order more cat food for me like she often does.

I’ve been wondering what people will write about this year in their pandemic Christmas letters. We’ll probably get a couple at least so we will find out. I’ve also been worrying that all cats will have a warm place to be during this holiday and if they have enough food.  Maybe our readers  would consider a gift for the animal shelters. I think we should too. 

You know that I really liked the nice ladies who came to visit and feed me twice a day while you went away all those years, but I will really like you being home with me for the holidays. I’ll even play with those dumb toys you get for me. I know your son, daughter-in-law, grandson, and great granddaughter will make sure you will get some virtual hugs in the driveway for Christmas! I’ll purr and watch from the window. I really am getting very used to you and I being together constantly throughout this pandemic! I can even go with you this year to the First Congregational Church’s famous Christmas Eve service, online at canandaiguachurch.org.  Merry Christmas everyone! Don’t worry….Barb AND I will be OK! And, I think this will be the best Christmas ever!”